Today Continued

Although I guess technically it's the 6th, not the 5th, as it's a few minutes past midnight. But that's alright.


I realized the pulse thing was because I was probably severely dehydrated so I had some water and it helped a bit. But also I drank the water while I was doing cardio on my stair-stepper and after I do cardio, it always tastes like blood when I breathe for like half an hour after so I am quite sick of that stupid taste. And exercising when my pulse is being weird is probably not a good idea... I was seeing spots the whole time.
Also I am tired and I didn't do as much productive shit as I needed to do today. I cleaned my room all to shreds, so that's good. But I didn't do laundry because I only just found my laundry cards and now it's late and I don't want to have to be up for a minimum of an hour and a half more just to do laundry. 
And I did no homework and I have two groups presentations this week and I will let down my groups if I don't do my research ASAP.
Seriously why am I so fucking lazy, I can't do anything except obsessively organize my shelves and sleep and feel Grey.
It's too bad the words "FUCK UP" have faded from where they used to be etched into my arm... I can only vaguely see them because I know they're still there. Almost makes me wish I still cut. But if I did, my mom would see, and then I would be in some serious shit. It would be BAD, let me tell you.
But I just hate myself SO MUCH. I'm not good for anything. I just want to disappear.


Anyway, I burned more that 45 calories in cardio (let alone cleaning), so the energy chews are all burned off. Thank god. They were small, but they still terrified me.