Floating

I feel floaty. It's wonderful.

I very nearly passed out in the shower this morning (more than once), but can I pretend it's just because I didn't sleep? I know my orthostatic blood pressure it seriously unhealthy right now, but I love this feeling... slightly sleep deprived, haven't eaten in several days, still fat but I can float above the world.

I planned the next two days in minute details with minute writing... I feel so in control.

I'm terrified to weigh myself, though. I gained a bit of water weight since yesterday morning, and didn't have time to sleep it off. I'm always terrified to drink water, just because the number will go up, even though I know that if anything, I will lose weight from drinking more water. And dehydration is probably a contributor to my unhealthy orthostatic blood pressure. But the numbers... it's all about the numbers.