I'm Exhausted

I have so much work to do... It's 1:00 in the morning, and I still have so much work. I have a novel to read, French grammar to work on, articles to read, an English essay to write, e-mails to send... I probably won't be able to sleep tonight, even though I need it quite badly. I could be spending my time right now doing work instead of writing a blog post, but the work is so overwhelming that I can't even start. I'm so lazy, such a fuck-up... I hate myself.

I feel disgusting for how much I've consumed today... almost nothing. I feel fat from this morning's Coke Zero, and another one that I'm about to drink... not to mention a tea with no-calorie sweetener. I know none of it had calories, but I still can't help but feel myself expanding. How dare I consume anything? I don't deserve it. And I can't even sleep it off tonight. You need sleep to keep your metabolism going, and you generally weigh the least in the morning. I love sleeping, just so I can wake up and see how many pounds I've lost. But I can't do that because I have too much work.

I'm doing so badly in school. Why am I such a fuck up? Why can't I just get off my ass and do the work I need to do? I wish I could become a robot. I wouldn't think or feel or eat or sleep, I'd just do homework. And then in a month I'd become human again, and have eaten nothing the whole time, and have perfect grades.

I want to rip out of my skin and fly away with the blackbirds.