Lullabies

I'm so sleepy.

I didn't get my computer fixed yesterday. After my office hour, I went straight home and fell asleep to my eating disorder playlist. Eventually I woke up and changed it to my lullabies. That's still on now. Maybe that's why I want to fall back asleep. But I can't! I have to study SO MUCH! I have an exam on Monday that I'm not prepared for, and then another exam on Tuesday that I'm not prepared for. I'm especially terrified for the Monday exam. I can bullshit through the majority of the Tuesday exam, but the Monday exam is French. I've missed a lot of French classes this semester, so I basically don't know how to do anything. I'm absolutely fucked unless I can manage to basically learn an entire semester's worth of French this weekend... while also sneaking in time to learn a shitload of definitions for my Women in Literature exam on Tuesday. Oh, and I have to read an entire book by then. Honestly, if I wanted to be totally prepared, I would have to reread all of the books for that course, but that would take more time than I have.

But I'm in a pretty good mood this morning. I haven't eaten since Wednesday night, and it's almost noon on Saturday. I've lost a decent amount of weight, and it's exciting being able to control the scale. Every time I weigh myself, it's lower. What a wonderful feeling. I've lost about 5 pounds since Thursday morning, which is more than a pound a day. I hope it keeps going. Although I am going to have a drink with calories before each of my exams, so I can think and focus and have my brain work. I'm not risking grades for weight loss again. Last time I did that, I almost passed out in front of my entire class, and did horribly on a project that was worth a very large percent of my grade.

I guess I'm going to go start studying now. I'm also going to take a couple of multivitamins, just to be safe. They're the chewable kind, so I'll probably be getting 15-30 calories, which sucks. But that's okay. It's worth it for health, right? It's not like I'm having 200 calories or something. The worst part is that they probably have carbs, and I'm trying to get my body back into ketosis. Judging by the taste in my mouth right now, I'm already on my way. It's a horrible taste (although not yet horrible enough for me to be confident that I'm in ketosis) but it's worth it to know that my body is burning itself for energy instead of gross disgusting food.

Well, I'm off to study.