I Am Officially Disgusting

I don't know why I keep eating. I guess I'm not used to having a kitchen with food on hand constantly. But it's there now. I don't know what to do. Why can't I stop? Today I've had raw honey comb (about 100 calories... and I'm a vegan!!), Praeventia cookies (150 calories), and now I'm drinking a Cream Soda that my brother brought me (170 calories). That was with a few chugs of soy milk in between, so I'm guessing about 450 calories for today. For fuck's sake, I hope I don't have anymore. I mean I still have more than half the can of cream soda left, so I could stop drinking it and cut that down to 370 and stay below 400... But my calorie goal for the next 6 weeks is 500 or less, so it's okay for me to get to 450. But I didn't want to eat until May started! Okay, for fuck's sake I pray to god I can keep from eating tomorrow and Saturday. Sunday I'm going to lunch and then Stars on Ice with Tammy, so I'll probably have to eat then. But until then, I'll do my best.

For fuck's sake though... I hate myself so much. I wonder if I can go to the park and swing on the swingset there for a while tonight, after Girl, Interrupted is over. That should burn calories, right? About 200 calories per hour. I think I could definitely do at least an hour, which would still leave me with way too many calories. But it'd be something. Maybe I could convince myself to keep going for 2 or 3 hours to burn more. We'll see. If I can get off my fast ass and walk over to the park. I'm a bit afraid of going to a park alone at midnight, but oh well.

In other news, I started a tumblr: http://legslikecigarettes.tumblr.com/
I'm wasting a lot of time sitting around looking at pictures of beautiful people. I wish I was one of them. I figure it doesn't really matter, since I have nothing else to do with my time anyway.

UPDATE: I threw out about a quarter of the cream soda, so my total intake for today was about 430 or so. I also remembered I'd had a small handful of dried cranberries. So that's decent, right? It's better than eating "normal" amounts of food. I think I'm definitely going to go to the park, though.