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Hello,

I'm home from the hospital! Finally! I was able to get home last night, as long as I promised to keep my name on the list for inpatient treatment at Homewood.
But I don't want treatment anymore! I know it's an amazing program, an amazing opportunity. This program was Michael Jackson's first choice, Elizabeth Taylor went there... it's truly an excellent facility. But recovery means weight gain. I don't want to gain weight! My weight is already high enough. I'm still about 145, absolutely no loss in the whole time I was on clear fluids at the hospital. And tonight I had to go out for dinner with my mother (who now knows my eating issues are still present... so she's watching me like a hawk and keeps commenting sadly on how thin I look and how worried she is. She's crazy, because I don't look thin at all, I look like a whale), and ate more than I ever want to eat in my life. At least I'll have access to a pool for the next few days, so that's nice. There's also a hot tub and a sauna. I'll try to get out of eating as often as possible (it will be difficult), and swim as much as possible.

I just wish I could be free to lose lose lose weight! I wish my mom didn't know and I wish I didn't have to go to treatment. Because then I'll never get to see how I look at 120 lbs and I bet I'm going to relapse because I will never get to be satisfied with my weight. But maybe they'll teach me how to be satisfied?

Some of this thinpso might be repeated... I'm having to start my collection all over again since my computer broke. Oh well.