Feeling Huge

So I ended up eating that bagel. Oh, and then my mom couldn't drive me back to school, so I had to go home to London with her, and on the way, she made me stop at Harvey's. At first she said "Oh look there's a Wendy's, let's go!" I was driving so I pretended to miss the turn, and she said "Oh... oh nevermind, turn here, let's go to Harvey's!"
She just wanted to share a nice, fast meal with her daughter. I get that. And she was hypoglycemic and needed to eat and we couldn't afford fast food often when I was younger, so now when we can, she likes to take advantage of it and get it as a treat.
But I so didn't want to eat any more! I already felt huge from the bagel.
I had no choice though. Half a burger, half a Medium Fries, and a whole root beer later, I wanted to cry. But I drove us home and pretended all was well.
Eating that much set something off in me, I don't know. I suddenly wanted to eat everything in sight. I managed not to eat anything when we got home, but that night when I went to this awesome LGBTQ youth group I like to frequent when I'm in London, and they always have snacks. And I ate them. I had tortilla chips and salsa, and several cookies. Then we went to a café and I had two London Fogs and a brownie.

I'm so disgusting! Of course, when I got back home, I'd put on pounds. I'm at 146.1 pounds now. I realize some of it is water weight, but I was really starting to lose! I'm so upset.
But today when I left, I said I'd grab breakfast on the train, so I didn't have to eat today. My plan is to fast for 10 days. I may have to have an apple juice a day in addition to my water, but we'll see.
The only problem there is that my mom is visiting on Tuesday night. She said, "It will be nice, we'll go out to dinner!" and I love spending time with her, so I felt really bad but told her I had a lot of homework. She looked a bit disappointed, but then she brightened up and said she'd order pizza. I must have made my "But-I'm-Busy" face, because then she said, "Okay, I'll grab pad thai for you, and drop in and say hi. Okay?"

I love her so much, she's so sweet. Pad thai is my favourite food, so it will be so hard not to eat it if she brings it. In fact, I can pretty much guarantee that I am going to eat that pad thai. Especially because I do want to spend time with her, so I'll probably ask her to stay, which means I'll have to eat it in front of her, which means I'll have to eat it. So I guess I'll do an-apple-juice-a-day from now until Tuesday, eat the pad thai, and then do a fast for 10 days starting Wednesday. Looks like that's my only option, really.

My body feels so bulky after eating yesterday... disgusting. But I bought some nice candles and incense, so I relaxed tonight and finished some reading for a midterm on Tuesday. I hope I'll do well.

I also got new anti-depressants. They can make you a bit nauseous, so you're supposed to take them with a meal. Fuck that. But they also apparently act as an appetite suppressant, and can make you lose weight, so that's good. It's Venlafaxine. I did indeed feel nauseous (although it was about an hour later), so I went to bed. Then I woke up, and now I can't get back to sleep. Still nauseous... it could be unrelated. I don't know.

Well... I guess I'm going to go get an apple juice and watch skins.