Trying to be Okay

Hello.

I'm feeling a bit shit today. I just utterly failed my exam, and I just know it will be the same for tomorrow. I'm such a failure. I calculated my grades, and even if I had aced that exam (which I didn't), my final grade would still be terrible. I'm going to file to be excused from some of my late work on psychological and compassionate grounds. My dad died in November, which they might still give me allowances for. And if not, I have documented depression (which is, to be honest, the reason I missed so much work ― I was often too depressed to get out of bed and go to class).

I only got about 2 hours of sleep last night (well, this morning), so I feel heavy and stupid. I have so much studying to do tonight, but I honestly think I should sleep... I'm a pound heavier this evening than I was yesterday morning, and I'm assuming it's from the water weight that I never slept off.

On the plus side, I've lost 4 pounds since the beginning of the April Challenge (http://prettyproslim.blogspot.com/2011/04/april-challange-lets-get-skinny.html), so I'm feeling wonderful about that, especially since I only signed up on Friday. That's 4 pounds since Friday (and 5 if you count the fact that I was a pound lighter yesterday, and probably still am without water weight)! So I'm rather proud. I'm still giant (oh so giant) but it's going to get better. I'm hopeful.

I had to eat today (when I have exams, I eat so I can have brain power). I had two vanilla soy milks (140 calories each ― terrifying, but delicious, and very nutritious and healthy) and then snacked on lettuce, carrots, cucumbers, tomatoes, radishes, and mushrooms. Delicious! I'm going to keep some of those things in my house from now on, so that I can snack on those when I feel the need to eat something (especially when I want something crunchy) so that I won't go to the dreaded vending machine down the hall. Vegetables taste better anyway! And then I don't have to try to figure out what is and isn't vegan in the vending machines, and eventually end up giving up and having animal products. Gross.

I think I'm going to go to sleep now... I'm too tired to study well. I'll wake up in 8 or 9 hours (at 1 or 2 in the morning, haha) and study until my exam at 2:30 tomorrow afternoon.

Wish me luck on the exam!
More warm weather pictures: